Why it's so hard to say sayonara to Japan

When the sight of people wearing face masks doesn’t seem odd anymore, you’ve got your burnable and non-burnable rubbish disposal days down pat and you can’t eat even an onigiri (rice ball) without wet-wiping your hands (before and after), you no longer feel lost in translation. 

But sometimes just when you've stopped getting lost in the mass Tokyo transit -- it’s time to leave behind the eccentricities of Japan. 

We all know how settling in Japan can be a mind-boggling business, with a web of catch-22 situations that need resolving. But leaving the land of convenience stores and never-ending vending machines can prove even harder, both logistically and emotionally.

Izakaya cravings are hard to ignore.

How to 'leave' Japan

“Moving is stressful! Moving internationally is even more stressful," writes Laura Pepper Wu in her recently launched book, "The Stress-Free Guide to Leaving Japan."

"You’ve got a million things to organize and this is topped with a language barrier, rigid procedures and some pretty high emotions running at the same time,” she continues. 

In 75 pithy pages, the former English language teacher aims to minimize the repatriation exasperation for other expatriates leaving Japan, with a handy checklist starting three months from one’s scheduled date of departure.

Just follow the steps and you pretty much can’t go wrong: from how to dispose your bulky items, how to move your stuff home, a handy glossary of Japanese terms needed to do so and a template of a simple farewell speech in Japanese.

Not that you can’t glean such information online, but according to Laura, “There is a lot of misinformation, outdated advice and sometimes it just takes hours to find the information you need.”

Twenty-four-hour convenience stores and over-caring store staff are hard to forget.

Too comfortable to say goodbye?

The ¥500 book is probably worth getting just for the section on how to claim your pension refund upon leaving Japan, which is one of the items most people who were employed full-time in Japan will find most taxing. 

But probably the toughest hurdle is the emotional one of leaving Japan that starts to sink in after the dust has settled from the moving boxes, or as Laura coins it, “Re-Entry Culture Shock."

Symptoms of such an affliction include the urge to take off your shoes off in everybody’s house (and pointing them towards the door), inadvertently slipping in Japanese expressions such as “genki” and “conbini” to blank and uninterested faces, finding the urge to throw the PET bottle cap separately from the bottle, etc.

Over the three-and-a-half years that she has been in Japan (specifically Tokyo and Ibaraki), Laura says some of her thinking has changed fundamentally.

Making local friends over beers.

Becoming too Japanese

“I seem to have picked up the mottainai (don’t be wasteful) mindset. I can't waste food, and anything in excess upsets me," Laura says.

"I remember going home (in the United Kingdom) for Christmas one time and complaining to my Mum about all the food, packaging, and huge amounts of useless presents! I must have sounded really ungrateful, but I just couldn't comprehend it at the time, it was shocking to me,” she adds.

Punctuality, or the lack of, and how there is only one bin for all the rubbish in Starbucks also came as part of the Re-Entry Culture Shock for Laura. Her husband occasionally threatens to install a Japanese toilet lid with a bidet function.

“The individualistic culture (in the United States) suddenly seemed very obvious to me. People talk loudly on their cell phones in public places. Friends can be late and not apologize -- it's just more acceptable, and they might not see it as an inconvenience to the person waiting, as the Japanese do,” says Laura.

There may be some occasions you'd prefer to forget.

Now it's your turn

And they both miss the exciting night life in Japan, compared to how shops close around 7.30 p.m. in L.A., and the last train to their nearest station is at 7.30 p.m.

“I loved going to the izakaya, but in the U.S., bars feel more like pick up joints if anything,” Laura says. “And I miss the hot milk tea and coffee out of vending machines. There just isn’t any of that here,” she goes on. 

“It was probably a good eight months before I got over reverse culture shock completely, and it was much later that I realized that my feelings of frustration over a situation were because of culture differences."

In her book, Laura suggests ways to deal with Re-Entry Culture Shock. She and her husband sought out Japanese restaurants, supermarkets and sometimes strike up conversations with Japanese they encounter there.

“When we do, we always have a great conversation. I had plenty of people practice their English with me while I was living in Japan so now it’s payback time!” Laura said.

The book, "The Stress-Free Guide to Leaving Japan," is available at http://sayonarajapan.com for ¥500.