In Japan, there is such a thing as a (calorie) free lunch

Nutrition in Japan has reached a less-for-more/more-for-less dichotomy. More or less. Non-foods and zero-drinks are slowly taking over.

One can consume unbelievably cheap calories densely packed in the form of gyudon (beef rice bowl), costing just ¥250 (and falling) or pay unthinkable prices for ingesting the nutritional value of air (i.e.: zero calories). 

High demand for nothingness 

Of course, the target audience for these morsels vastly differs. Standing at the gyudon counter is the (allowance-) starved salaryman, versus the office lady daintily indulging in a zero-calorie jelly dessert while doing a mental balance sheet of the bento calories just consumed. 

But, free for all is the alcohol-free category, with Suntory’s All Free non-alcoholic beverage apparently so popular among the white-livered, white-collared crowd that the malt-based, alcohol-extracted beverage flew off the shelves within a week and the brewer had to temporarily halt sales while cranking up its production line. 

Never mind that it costs more to down a can of All Free (alcohol-free, calorie-free, sugar-free) beer-wannabe liquid than the real stuff, at ¥138 for a 350ml can. Real beer that can be bought for as little as ¥90.  

The Way of the Zero Life

Perhaps Japan’s yen for Zen and the concept of nothingness is subconsciously driving the society’s obsession with ‘zero’-ness and ‘non’-ness. Zero-calorie foods and drinks have been joined in their ranks by non-alcohol beers and even smoke-free cigarettes. 

Could the country's zero interest rate policy also be part of this drive?

In pursuit of enlightenment in "The Way of The Zero Life," I decide to spend a day surviving purely on ‘zero’ sustenance. With ‘zero’ calorie foods actually referring to food or drink that contain less than five calories per 100ml, my zero-for-a-day project set me back ¥1,959 for 350 calories, or around 1.75 bowls of rice.

My zero food pyramid, gathered from the neighborhood supermarket , took the form of: two zero-calorie jellies, a pack of Calorie-Zero, Sugarless Strawberry Milk sweets, Calpis Clear Zero, Mitsuya Cider All Zero, Vitamin C.C.Lemon Zero, Coca Cola Zero Free, Lotte Zero Biscuit Crunch chocolate, Kirin Day-Off Alc 0.00 percent, Suntory All Free (pack of six -- okay, so this was an impulse buy just in case the product vanishes from the shelves again) and Asahi Point-Zero. 

9 a.m. Beer for breakfast?

Sweet. Or perhaps I should say, sweetener-laden. Anyhow, I choose a relatively low-activity day with no kendo practice for my zeroic attempt. After a morning jog in the park, I’m lost for choice as to where to get my non calories from. Breakfast beer it is!

Or rather, neutered beer. After all, breakfast cereal versus malt-based beverage -- same food, different form, no? (Note to self: low sugar level in brain already starting to affect judgement.) 

While a “rich and clear” taste isn’t quite delivered as promised on the All Free can, there is a slight buzz to the drink. I reach for Vitamin C.C.Lemon Zero for its promised vitamin C enrichment of 70 lemons, at zero calories. Who needs fruit. 

This is followed by a bowl of peach-flavored zero-calorie jelly, pleasantly speckled with heart-shaped nata de coco, because as we all know, Japanese eat with their eyes. 

11 a.m. Biscuits instead of lettuces

My calorie-free intake is thwarted, however, by a mid-morning stick of Lotte Zero Biscuit Crunch chocolate sticks, which while deviously proclaiming its zero-ness is really only zero in terms of sugar content, but a whopping 42 calories per stick of around 10 grams!

However, Lotte kindly reassures me, on the back of the package, that the deceptive snack, if consumed in its entirety (i.e.: all five sticks) would fortify me with the fiber of 2.6 300-gram lettuces. My sugar-deprived brain is appeased.

1 p.m. Light lunch

Lunch ensues earlier than usual with a double Asahi combo -- Asahi W Zero ("W" being the Japanese slang for "double," this bevvy being zero calories and zero alcohol) and Asahi Point-Zero. Both taste pretty similar, except Asahi Point-Zero comes burdened with 22 calories per 100ml. Urgh! Zero points for Point-Zero!

I struggle to down Calpis Clear Zero in between crunches of Lotte Zero (it’s reincarnated lettuce fiber, I tell myself). While pondering between the Mitsuya Cider Zero and Coca Cola Zero Free, I notice that the Coke label says “enjoy your evening,” so like an obedient Japanese consumer I save that for sundown and let my carbonated thought bubble wonder what mixer Matsuya Cider Zero would be good for. 

7 p.m. Keeping track of zeros

Countless calorie-zero sweets (after all, who needs to keep track of lots of zeros?) and four sticks of Lotte Zero later (carefully rationed to last through the day), it’s dinner time.

The usual routine ensues: beer-taste beverage (Kirin Day-Off), carbonated calorie-freeness (Coke Zero Free) and an ‘after meal’ grape-taste zero jelly. Trust Japanese food manufacturers to provide ‘before’ or ‘after’ meal instructions for their snack!

At the end of the day, I’m feeling bloated but unsatisfied, not very enlightened or any much lighter (except in the wallet).

The cloying sweetness of, well, almost everything I’ve had to consume in the day, leaves me craving for the one, true calorie-free non-food, zero-drink of health: water!