mrbrown on politicians and the perils of hawker center walkabouts

Recently, a lady Member of Parliament (MP), Lim Hwee Hua, was doing her pre-election walkabout at Serangoon Gardens' Chomp Chomp Food Center, to get hawkers there to pledge not to raise their prices for the next six months.

I think it is very important to keep prices stable for the next six months at least, because the elections are around the corner and we don't want angry voters just because a plate of char kway teow has gone up from S$3 to S$3.50 (US$2.40 to US$2.80)

While Ms Lim was diligently doing her rounds and shaking diners' hands, the newspapers report that a "heckler" approached her and accused her of making her rounds only during election time. She later told reporters that she visits her area once every two to three weeks.

To heck or not to heck?

This kind of open hostility must be very unusual for members of the ruling party because why else would the papers dub him a heckler? MPs look like they always meet with love and hugs everywhere they go, judging from the smiling faces we see in photographs in the papers. So this man must be a "heckler". I assume because he gave her heck.

The thing is, if this had happened in other countries, the fellow would probably have been called a "concerned voter" or "disgruntled citizen". But here, he is called "heckler".

If this had happened online, he would be called a "Troll" or a "Flamer", I am sure. Or as some ministers like to call online criticism from "netizens" -- "Noise".

The danger of hum

The "Heckler/Troll/Flamer" asked to be called Mr Hum, which cracked me up. I am sure fellow Singaporeans will not miss the irony because "hum" also means cockles, a key ingredient in the dish char kway teow, for which Chomp Chomp Food Center is famous.

In fact, dwell in the food center long enough and you will smell of the dish when you leave.

Some people like "hum" in their char kway teow, while others fear the cholesterol, and the hepatitis that's linked to raw "hum" consumption. And now we also know that hum can be unpleasant for politicians too.

On a side note, I wonder if anyone will ever open a rival food center in Serangoon Gardens and call it Nom Nom Food Center. Chomp Chomp versus Nom Nom, who will win?

Perhaps dinner time is not a good time to visit hawker centres to do your rounds as a politician. People are hungry, cranky waiting for their food, and annoyed at smelling like char kway teow. So you may get unhappy responses if you interrupt their dining.

A good strategy may be to wait till they finish eating and have burped a burp of satisfaction before saying "Hi". Much like waiting for the voters to receive their Grow and Share dividends from the government, after May 1, before calling for an election. You want voters to be fed before they vote, not fed-up.

Get the MP look

MPs must be having a rather tiring time these few weeks, what with all the walkabouts to be done in the glare of the media. I feel a little sorry for them. You have to make sure you look your best. I think a pre-flight checklist would be helpful before a walkabout.

Hair combed and gelled? Check.
Shirt buttoned and collar down? Check. (You don't want collars-up, it's a douche bag look)
Pants zipped? Check.

I mentioned gel for hair but if this were the 1950s and 1960s, I would use "Brylcreemed". Brylcreem was the white hair cream used in liberal amounts by my father's generation and by politicians then.

Men used so much of it that their hair shined. With Brylcreem, your hair not only stayed in place, your hair queued up in straight lines. Not even a hurricane could move a single strand of your Brylcreemed hair.

In fact, I suspect the hair was probably flammable. I think if Brylcreem-groomed politicians did their walkabouts in hawker centers back then, they could volunteer some of it from their heads if the char kway teow man ran out of cooking oil.

I myself have not had the privilege of meeting my MP during a hawker center visit. I do eat at rather odd times, so maybe we passed each other like lonesome ships in the night, or like lonesome birds flying on a midnight flight. I promise if I meet my MP, I will not heckle, troll or flame.

I would probably find it hard to do so anyway, because I am likely to have food in my mouth and my mother always tells me not to talk with my mouth full. I may get hum all over my MP if I do.