mrbrown: Singapore's post offices have diversified ... into everything

I happened to go to the post office the other day because I had some fines to pay.

Note to self: never be late for anything involving the efficient tax-collecting machine that is the Inland Revenue Authority of Singapore.

As I queued and wondered why the line was long, a lady at the front of the queue completed her transaction with the counter staff and took possession of her brand new DVD player.

I smiled to myself, thinking, "Ah the joys of getting a new DVD player! I know the feeling of buying new appliances…"

Then it hit me.

DVD player? In a post office?! What the? 

In Singapore, you can buy a DVD and some stamps 

I always thought a post office was for stamps and snail mail, and at most, paying some bills. But no, it seems Singapore Post is now more than that.

I spied a display case of Nokia phones, one of which was an entry-level model with both touchscreen and keypad. I was reflecting on the merits of this model when I shook myself out of the gadget zone-out I frequently go into.

This is a post office, dammit! Why are they selling mobile phones too?

In another display case, there were thumb drives of all sizes for sale too. I was aghast.

Then when it was my turn, I saw the ultimate item, two cans of abalone in a box set. Like some limited edition CD thing.

Hey, it's Chinese New Year around the corner, so of course they would sell abalone here. In a post office.

One of my Twitter followers suggested I should check that out since I was at the post office already, because the package price can be quite good. But I didn't want to ask about the abalone because, I mean, how do you phrase it with the auntie at the counter?

How do you ask about abalone at a post office?

"Hello, may I to check out your abalone package?"

"Er, auntie, your abalone fresh or not?"

"Hi auntie, your abalone nice to eat or not?"

It sounds even worse in Chinese, I tell you.

Actually, now that I think about it, the other can in the Chinese New Year abalone package was a can of clams. Wow, that's an even worse thing to ask a lady about.

You can even collect your new passport at Singapore Post now.

Why they even bother calling themselves Singapore Post is beyond me. They may as well be Singapore Sell-Everything-But-the-Sink Department Store Cum Immigration Cum Post Office.

How to turn around a dying business: diversify

Talk about confused positioning. It's almost as if someone realized that the snail mail business was shrinking and decided to diversify … into everything.

In fact, I think the only thing missing from their selection is a choice of caskets. Hey, I have an idea, they can even offer cremation and delivery service.

Think about it. You go there, buy a casket, they cremate you on the spot, and mail your ashes to your loved ones for you. Choice of premium envelopes or the cheap brown kind, depending on your budget. If you like, you can also go in an art tube.

Or skip the casket and go direct to envelope.

I know I sound morbid. I have been sleeping early and getting up early and this gives my mind a lot of energy to think of rubbish.

The tenuous link between the post office and Ribena

Like, I was watching this Ribena commercial the other day. Some of you may not know Ribena but it is a popular blackcurrant concentrate from the United Kingdom. I don't think cordials are that well-known in the United States but we consume quite a lot of this stuff here.

Well, the current Ribena advertising uses these cute little anthropomorphic berries (with legs, hands and faces) that run around happily, usually in pools of the juice. That in itself is already disturbing because, don't the Ribena berries know they are CAVORTING in the CRUSHED liquified REMAINS of their BRETHREN?

Ok, calm down, brown. I tend to get very emotional about Ribena. My mother did not let me drink too much of it as a kid because it made me cough. Also she would dilute it with too much water so that it would taste like medicine.

Well, the new commercials showed the Ribena berries participating in a dance-off inside an MRT train, with other dancing humans. A kind of Human-Berry flash mob; Step-Up: The Ribena Berries Fight Back.

And all this time I watched the commercial, I kept waiting for one of the humans to step on the dancing berries. But to my disappointment, no one did.

I know, I need help. Maybe I should go to the post office and see if they sell Ribena. While I am there, maybe I will pick up a fridge and an oven too.