mrbrown hates the haze
As surely as seasons come and go in other countries, the haze is back in Singapore. We have our Indonesian neighbors to thank for bring our air quality to as bad as 84 PSI. This time, the haze is mainly from slash-and-burn forest fires in Riau Province in Sumatra.
Our four seasons in Singapore seem to be Hot, Hotter, Haze, Monsoon Rains.
ASEAN’s solution to all this is, of course, to have a meeting with each other where the parties affected by the haze can meet the parties causing the haze, and watch the hazy lot shrug their shoulders.
Someone even took a photo of the Merlion, which had stopped throwing up water. I believe it is the haze giving the Merlion asthma, and he forgot his inhaler. I suggest the Merlion see a doctor and get a few days of medical leave.
Or at least get an indoor gig.
I feel like we should get our own back at the slash-and-burn farmers in Sumatra by polluting their airspace too. Maybe we can beam some of our stinky local TV channels over to their country.
We are kind of in a dilemma. We could live with the haze, or we could ask for heavy rains to wash the air clean, but that would bring us flash floods.
Good thing we don’t have any major events any more, like the F1 or the Youth Olympics, so we don’t need to show the smoky side of Singapore. I feel strongly our next project should be to encase Singapore in a giant air-conditioning bubble.
Bubble SG up!
Hey, don’t laugh. Air conditioning is an essential part of our lives at the equator here. We turn our office air-conditioners on cold enough that we need to wear jackets and sweaters. Then during the lunch hour, we dash out in the heat without our winter clothing, eat as fast as we can, and return to the cold cocoon of our offices.
If we air-conditioned the entire island, we will no longer need to do that. Sure we will have to find some way of letting aircraft in and out. We wouldn’t want a 747 flying into our transparent plastic wall. It would be messy.
Maybe a door that opens whenever flying objects need to come in or out. Or a force field of some kind that can be turned off only at specific spots like the airport.
I remember sitting in the airplane after getting back from lovely Japan’s 14 to 25 degrees Celsius (57 to 77 degrees Fahrenheit) weather and hearing the captain announce, “Welcome to Singapore, the temperature outside is 28°C (82°F).”
That was at midnight.
It made me depressed just to walk out into the humid wall of heat. I have been sweating ever since I came back, my body unable to get over the fact that we are no longer in the caresses of the cool Japanese autumn.
Air-conditioning will solve all our dilemmas
An island-wide air-conditioning bubble will also solve problems like the haze. We will no longer care how many forests the farmers of Sumatra slash and burn. We will be safe in our shell of coolness.
We may even project an image of clear skies on our bubble walls. Or if we like, images of the latest campaign in Singapore, all across the skies (“Give up your seat in the MRT train! Love Your Ride!” or “Have More Children, Go Home NOW to Have Sex!”).
My only concern is how much of the ozone layer we will kill with that much air-conditioning. But since the farmers and the government of Indonesia does not seem to care about the environment with their burning of forests, I think Singapore can also turn on our national air conditioners at full blast. We will have our bubble to keep out the sun’s harmful rays anyway.
How our problem can help Great Britain
We may have some inconvenience with our air defense if our air-conditioned bubble comes to fruition though. For this, I have a good idea. Instead of parking our jet fighters on our land-scarce island, we should park them offshore. Like on British arcraft carriers.
I read that the British government is proposing some serious budget cuts in their defence spending and one of the things they will axe is the fleet of current aircraft carriers, like the Ark Royal, and all Harrier jump jets, and the money saved will go towards the building of two new aircraft carriers.
However, because of Harriers being cut, the new U.K. CVF Royal Navy aircraft carriers, HMS Queen Elizabeth and HMS Prince of Wales, may enter service without any aircraft that can launch from their flight decks.
No problem! Singapore will gladly lease your super carriers, dear United Kingdom, as floating parking lots for our fighters. The money you make from ferrying our fighters should help balance the British budget, and help us to keep the air-conditioned bubble up around our island.
In fact, whether we have The Bubble or not, I suggest Singapore park our planes on the new aircraft-less British super carriers anyway. God knows we need the land for new malls and condos.
