mrbrown: A close shave for the guy in the bear outfit

The alleged bear sighting along Ulu Pandan Road.

Singaporeans got worried when a video of a bear spotted at the Ulu Pandan area was uploaded to a, ahem, "citizen journalism" site.

The police looked into it, the zoo checked its own cages (nope, all our bears present and accounted for) and zoo staff were sent out with a tranquilizer rifle in case they had to put the bear to sleep.

How not to market a shaver

As it turns out, The Ulu Pandan Bear was just a guerrilla marketing stunt for Philips shavers by their social media agency. 

What were they planning to follow up with for their lady shavers? Send out a guy in a beaver suit?

I tried to think of the connection between the bear and the shaver, and came up with a few candidates:

1. A shave so comfortable, you'd think the shaver was bearly there.

2. Our shavers shave as close as your face can bear.

3. Our shavers are so good, they give you paws.

Low crime does not mean no crime

Philips and their agency certainly got the buzz they wanted. And also a possible fine from the police under the offence of Public Nuisance under Section 268 of the Penal Code (which says, I believe, "Bears must not be impersonated without permission").

In Singapore, whenever you pull a stunt where the police has to investigate, thereby taking them away from important things like fighting crime and tea breaks, it usually makes them unhappy.

The guy in the bear suit was lucky. If the zoo tranquilizer marksmen had gotten to him first, they may have tranquilized his butt and placed him in a holding cage with a randy she-bear.

It also goes to show you that Singaporeans will believe ANYTHING, even if it is found on a "citizen journalism" site more well-known for indignant people uploading photos of students kissing in uniform, aunties who don't queue, and drivers who don't park their cars properly.

We are probably not savvy enough to tell a marketing stunt from a real thing. When MRT staff saw that an MRT train had been sprayed with graffiti, they didn't raise the alarm for days, because they thought it was some marketing campaign.

Turns out some Swiss guy broke into the train depot at night with a buddy and sprayed the train, thereby triggering national soul-searching about the role of art in society and the lackadaisical security of our train depots.

Bad news, bears

I think this bear incident will make the zoo review its processes for accounting for their animals. Bears at the zoo will probably now be subject to stricter attendance procedures. It may be an inconvenience but I think it will put the public at ease if all bears have to clock in every morning and clock out at the end of the day.

Perhaps the government will also introduce new rules for future marketing stunts. We may need to make agencies submit their ideas and apply for permits like "Permit for faking an escaped wild animal for the purpose of promoting a product."

Or maybe in future, all fake wild animals will have to wear a pass identifying themselves as a fake wild animal, so as not to alarm the public.

The bare (bear) facts

I think people who thought that bear was real may have been a little undiscerning. Look, why would a bear go to Ulu Pandan? That's so out of the way and really, is quite unhip and unhappening.

A real bear would hang out at Marina Bay Sands or Orchard Road. Or forage at Bedok, where an excellent minced pork noodle can be found. But Ulu Pandan? I mean, really, who goes there?

Another clue that the bear was fake: the sighting took place at night. If the agency had tried to send a man in a bear suit out in the day, the chap inside would have died of heat stroke in our weather.

I am sure many Singaporeans also felt that the bear sighting was yet another example of our overly liberal foreigner-friendly policies. What does it say about our society when the local bears have to compete with foreign bears who come here and take our rice bowl?

Bears: A matter of national concern

Personally, I think our MPs should raise this at the next Parliament sitting. It is an issue close to the hearts of Singaporeans. For instance, would the authorities have acted so swiftly if the bear was spotted in an Opposition ward?

What is the government doing about the littering problem caused by such bears rummaging through our public dustbins? Should people be fined heavily for feeding wild bears (like we fine people thousands of dollars for feeding monkeys), or should the risk of being mauled by a real bear be punishment enough?

Here in Singapore, we take our bear sightings seriously. So the next time you see a bear-like creature in public or on a train, behaving suspiciously, like leaving his bag behind or shaving, call the authorities.

Vigilance is our only defense against evil bears, real or fake.