Alexis Ong: Get a room, we don't want to see you making out in public
Most civilized human beings share the attitude that excessive PDAs are flat-out unnecessary. But here in straight-laced Singapore, it’s something I (very hesitantly) almost want to encourage.
Singaporeans by and large are a socially conservative lot, and sometimes it’s easy to forget that a simple remedy for prudishness can be as easily rectified with a good roll in the hay.
Apparently there are sales people in the mall who moonlight as Sexy Time Police, and they don’t like couples using the plush sofas for a little public recreation.
While nobody has actually been caught recreating yet -- thank God -- empirical experience and general public sentiment have shown that without legislation, some Singaporeans don’t know how to behave.
Face it, we have plenty of “common sense” bans that seem ridiculous: don’t urinate in the elevator, don’t forget to flush the public toilet, and so on. This is part of basic social etiquette that you learn when growing up. This one is no different.
It’s almost like programming a computer. Some people are simply unable to understand that hooking up in public isn’t something that everyone wants to see, especially in an upscale designer shopping mall.
Against my more liberal inclinations, I’m going to argue that this ban is absolutely necessary.
To even begin to understand why people use public spaces to mess around -- besides the usual suspects like voyeurs and exhibitionists -- it is important to understand the overwhelmingly strong live-at-home culture here.
Many “kids” live with their parents well into their thirties, and any funny business has to be conducted as discreetly as possible, especially in more traditional households.
It also doesn’t really help that Singapore lacks a healthy, organic approach to cultivating relationships, as we are constantly reminded of tremendously unsexy things like declining birth rates, material incentives for baby making and the fact that we are home to the only government-sponsored dating agency in the world.
Seriously, news headlines that insist on using “petting” in this day and age are doing a great job at making love sound outdated and disgusting.
In short, it ain’t easy keeping romance alive, especially not here.
In the face of all this adversity, intrepid teenagers and 20-somethings are, of course, going to start canoodling wherever and whenever they can.
With regard to the Mandarin Gallery ban, I think it’ll serve its purpose. It would be incredibly mortifying to get caught in the act by a security guard and escorted out.
In this regard, big-name labels in the building certainly have a right to have their feathers ruffled at “lewd” behavior going on in their place of business, but it’s definitely sad that it required a concrete ban to address the problem.
Nonetheless, bans like this one have helped to define our country’s culture and identity for the past few decades, and I’ll bet that sooner or later, someone will be smart enough to make a T-shirt out of it.
On the flipside, the concept of “rest areas” in a mall is pretty absurd to begin with. Mandarin Gallery regulars aren’t the kind of shoppers who get so fatigued that they need rest areas every hundred meters in case they faint.
This isn’t "Gone With the Wind." This isn’t the Long March.
I’m hard pressed to think of another country that caters so well to its consumers’ “well-being” while they’re between stores. In fact, most management types go out of their way to make sure that people can’t find any nooks and crannies to get too comfy in.
I wouldn’t say Mandarin Gallery is asking for it, but it’s definitely got a little leg showing.
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