mrbrown: It's election time, baby!

Tonight, many couples will be asking the date night question: "Ai kee rally mai?"

In English, that Hokkien phrase is, "Wanna go watch a rally?"

I am not talking about a car rally, but an election rally.

Yes, it is General Elections time in Singapore and boy, have things heated up.

It's rally time

The wife and I may go to the ruling party rallies because it is usually quieter and more romantic. The Opposition rallies tend to attract huge crowds and are not conducive for romance.

Between Nomination Day on April 27 and Polling Day on May 7, voters will get to attend rallies of all the parties running.

This time, 82 out of 87 seats are being contested, which is a big deal, because traditionally, the Opposition parties would give some of the constituencies a miss because of some big-shot minister standing there, resulting in auto-win scenarios for the walkover wards.

More often than not, the ruling party, the People's Action Party (PAP), would become the government on Nomination Day just on walkovers alone.

There's actually a contest this time round

Not this time. This time, there will be a fight in all but one constituency.

All 87 seats would have been up for grabs if the Opposition party of five that had planned on running against the Minister Mentor's team in Tanjong Pagar was not 35 seconds late submitting their papers.

Yes, sing with me: "Though you travelled so far, boy, I’m sorry you are / Thirty-five seconds too late…" (from the band Michael Learns to Vote).

Truly a #facepalm moment, that was.

As a result, the Minister Mentor's team of five, which included a former army chief and an unknown doctor roped in the last minute to replace a PAP candidate who had to be deployed somewhere else, won Tanjong Pagar.

Tanjong Pagar residents now have five years to get to know that unknown who became their overnight MP. I wonder if his diary read, "Woke up this morning to go to the hospital, got call from party leadership to go down to the Nomination Center, was Member of Parliament by lunch time."

Would you dare oppose the MM?

Our former Prime Minister's team is not unused to walkover wins anyway. This is the fifth consecutive walkover for the constituency since 1991. You can't blame Opposition parties for not wanting to bother, since he is THE Lee Kuan Yew -- the Founding Father, the Dispenser of Hard Truths, the Legend Who Took Us from Fishing Village to Metropolis.

And why would you risk losing your election deposit of S$16,000 (US$13,058) running against his team? In this case, a five-member team contesting the seat would be coughing up S$80,000 (US$65,290) and if you get less than 12.5 percent of the vote, you lose your deposit. Ouch.

Please read and follow the instructions

At the Nomination Centers, besides tardiness, there were paperwork cock-ups. While some parties submitted their paperwork to the Election Department like well-oiled machines, some were a little less organized.

One Opposition party did not fill out its forms properly and a sporting PAP candidate pointed it out to them early so that it could be corrected in time.

Another independent candidate came nice and early, expecting his proposer, seconder and assentors to show up but got played out. No election for him.

I guess if you can't even get six people to show up and say yes to your candidacy, maybe you shouldn't even run for office.

And what is up with those election forms? Are they THAT difficult to fill in? Do they require a rocket scientist or a PhD to complete? If not, why do political parties still mess up on Nomination Day?

I mean, we are electing people who will run this country, or at least run the local town council, managing millions of dollars in residents' conservancy fees, and some of these fellows cannot even fill up a form properly?

mrbrown dispenses some pro tips

In the light of the Nomination Day drama, here are some of mrbrown's Pro Tips for a smooth and successful election:

1. Don't be late. Noon means noon. No more, no less. It is the biggest day of your political life, and you have a one-hour window to submit paperwork. Sleep early (no late night computer gaming), wake up early (set three alarm clocks) and show up early.

And in that one hour submission window, don't get sidetracked talking to the media or ogling the cute 24-year-old candidate from the other party.

2. It's a form, guys. Fill in all the blanks, get them signed in the right places, and if you don't understand it parts of it, ASK. Even a Primary School student knows how to fill a form. The Elections Department is not asking you to write a thesis, a book, or even a blog post.

They just want the names, addresses, identity card numbers and signatures in specific places. If doubtful of your form-filling abilities, hire a professional form-filler, like those entrepreneurs who operate from a folding table at passport collection centers.

3. Make sure your buddies who say they will be your proposer, seconder and assentors actually freakin' show up. Make sure you have backup buddies. And backups of those backup buddies.

If you follow my three Pro Tips, you are already half way to being the next elected Member of Parliament of Singapore. Now all you have to do is to win the votes and the love of the people.

Or join the ruling party and hope they call you last minute to fill in for someone, preferably at a constituency that is having a walkover.