Shanghai pickup artists boot camp -- an eyewitness view
It’s Sunday, the final day of PickupAsia’s weekend-long boot camp. After spending most of Friday night going over basic pickup theory and principles with the boys in the workshop, I meet with them Sunday to see if they’ve made any progress.
Friday night had been relatively tame. We hit Muse at midnight, and RedpoleQ immediately pushed the gun-shy boot campers into groups of girls (“sets”), giving them a trial-by-fire while standing in the background and dropping hints and lines when needed.
But that was “night game.” Now it’s the middle of the afternoon, and none of the girls have beer goggles on. We’re at Raffles City so the boys can practice their “day game” and see what they've learned.
2:30pm
I show up and immediately spot one of the students, a tall, well-dressed European who goes by the handle BigGameHunter. He’s modest to a fault, but looks aren't his problem -- his athletic frame and chiseled face stick out immediately in the sea of shoppers. He’s wearing a leather jacket, collar popped, and he’s talking to a girl, and … wow, they’re holding identical coffee cups. They must’ve just gotten a drink together. Not bad.
2:45pm
On the second floor, I find Sexual Kimchee, a boot camp alum helping out, and boot camper Oleg, a complete introvert with self-professed “communication problems.” At least he had them on Friday. Oleg’s now busy in conversation with two cute girls who can’t stop giggling.
2:50pm
Oleg’s finally done. Didn’t get a number, but he’s definitely come a long, long way. He beams as the three of us catch up on the weekend.
2:51pm
Oleg’s off again, mid-conversation. He’s spotted a girl in leggings and is making his move. Aiya!
3:15pm
We all go downstairs and meet RedpoleQ. BigGameHunter has just checked in and set off to find another target. Oleg’s already talking to another new girl.
3:25pm
Sexual Kimchee points out a “one set,” a petite Chinese girl with a pink skirt standing alone. “Your turn,” he says. I’m nervous as hell. I got some of the basic theory, but I’m going in with no practice.
I recite what I can remember in my head: open, chat, set up a future date (“time bridge”) and either get her number or instantly whisk her off to a different location (“bounce” her).
Sexual Kimchee is on me. “Pick an opener and just start talking.”
"What opener?"
“Use one of mine … ask her where you can get cat socks. Say it’s your cat’s birthday or something.”
"That works?"
“Go!”
3:26pm
“Hi, do you know where I can get cat socks?”
3:27pm
My mind is spinning. Cat socks? Well, anyway, it got me in. And now I’m struggling. Oh, you don’t know where to get cat socks? Too bad. I feel like she’s backing away from me. Uh … uh … uh … I eject.
3:28pm
RedpoleQ and Sexual Kimchee have been watching.
“What happened? Why’d you leave?”
"Uh, I ran out of stuff to say. I asked her a question and she didn’t seem interested."
“Her body language, everything … that could not have gone any better! She’s supposed to do that! Rookie mistake. Keep going!”
3:31pm
They prepare to push me back in as Oleg drops in to say he’s going to grab coffee with his girl. Damn. He’s really good now! I’m not. RedpoleQ refocuses me.
“Look: going back is no big deal. Ask her if she speaks Chinese. It’ll throw her off. Then tell her she looks like she’s from Xinjiang.”
I put on my brave face and walk up but immediately freak. I see her playing with her phone, so I make some bumbling conversation about texting in Chinese, then pull out the Xinjiang line. It gets a surprisingly flirty reaction, but I can’t figure out a smooth way to “bounce” her to coffee. I eject again, numberless and defeated.
“You gotta go in with a clearer purpose next time,” RedpoleQ says helpfully.
3:35pm
We retire to Starbucks for a drink. “This is what Sunday’s supposed to be like,” RedpoleQ tells me. “If I’ve done my job well, the guys are off running around on their own and I just sit here bored.”
4:20pm
RedpoleQ has officially done a good job. We’re sipping our drinks and making idle conversation while Oleg shares coffee with a new date and BigGameHunter chats up a tall, leggy local outside. Oleg and BigGameHunter eventually head back in for a final debrief, and I ask them how many dates they’ve got for next week.
“Ten,” says Oleg plainly. “But they’re all for the same time and place. I just wanted to see if I could get it done.”
BigGameHunter looks sheepish as he hears this. “Only three for me.” RedpoleQ, Sexual Kimchee and I burst out laughing.
“Only three,” we mimic. I wish my weeks were all that lackluster.
