Love & Other Catastrophes: Conquering China's young-love taboo

Enid Chen and Michael Wu were walking home together from their Shanghai high school when a classmate spotted them and reported their transgression to the principal.

Their crime? Holding hands.

In Shanghai, teachers and parents widely prohibit dating in high school, urging students to study instead. But for Enid and Michael, their first love was worth a little sneaking around. 

"I’d always known she was the girl I wanted. All I wanted was for her to be happy."— Michael Wu

A chance encounter

The two met nearly ten years ago when they were 16-year-old students, learning hammering techniques in a Shanghai factory. As part of the Shanghai curriculum, students spend a short stint in a factory or farm to acquire life skills.

Since school policy outlawed dating, they limited their relationship to walking together to and from school. After their classmate tattled on them that day, the principal called them into the school office with their parents, and forbade them from dating.

Their families also warned them to stop, but the couple just got more creative. When Michael would meet Enid in the mornings to walk together, he’d hide in a secret nook so her mother couldn’t spot him from the window.

Once they were admitted to colleges, they could be together openly. But distance replaced school regulations as their separating obstacle. Michael attended a university two hours from Shanghai. 

Uni isn’t the answer

Along with studying, Michael was staying up late at night to become one of the top 10 warriors nationwide in a popular video game. When Enid called in tears one evening over her pet’s death, Michael was so sleep-deprived that he fell asleep on the phone.

“That’s the one thing I regret in my life. Not being there for her that night,” he says.

Battle-weary times aside, Michael was a gentleman, holding doors and treating Enid like a lady -- behaviors other college boys hadn’t learned yet, she says. At Enid’s request, Michael even stopped playing basketball and listening to hip-hop music.

“I was well-educated by her at an early age,” Michael says, laughing.

Moving into adulthood

When they turned 22, the two heeded Enid’s mother’s advice. She urged them to get married early and work on their careers together, with mutual support. Enid, now 26, works as a graphic designer while Michael, 26, is in marketing research.

“Before I met him, I wasn’t outgoing or confident,” Enid says. “But he told me that I was pretty, smart and well-liked and then I started to believe it.”

“I’d always known she was the girl I wanted,” Michael says. “All I wanted was for her to be happy.”

But, after several years of marriage, the restrictive patterns created in the couples’ youth started to frustrate Michael. One November day, when Enid asked Michael to get off the computer and help her clean, he snapped.

“I always followed her instructions and did whatever she wanted,” he says. “This was my chance to do something so she wouldn’t take me for granted and listen to my needs.”

Angry, he left the house with just a credit card and did not return for two days. While Michael camped out in a motel and an Internet café, Enid sat in the same red chair and watched the sky turn from black to light and then fade to dark again. When he finally came home, they discussed their dynamics and how they could improve their relationship.

“I realized how important he is to me,” Enid says. “It changed my life perspective.”

Now, the two spend their weekends watching television in their spacious two-bedroom apartment, playing with their cats, shopping and visiting their parents. They’re not ready to have children yet, focusing instead on their careers and building a life together.

Enid says their relationship’s progress from young love to mature love is like the levels of a video game, a metaphor that makes her gamer husband smile: “We’re working through the levels of life together.”