Bluffer's guide to the Shanghai 2010 Expo

Whether you make the trip to the 2010 Expo site or just mingle and do business with the hordes of visitors coming to Shanghai this summer, a few questions are bound to come up, and more than just the basic, "Where do I buy tickets?" Here then is our handy cheat-sheet to help you survive some of them.

1. Someone asks if you are happy about the Expo being here or if you’ll go to it

Why someone would ask: Philadelphia 1876, the first offical World Expo in the United States, revealed the telephone to the world; Paris showed us the Eiffel Tower and motion pictures in 1889 and 1900 respectively. Brussels' fair in 1897 unveiled the world of automobiles, and in 1970 Osaka made them electric. With the speed of information these days it is doubtful you'll see any mind-blowing technology at the Shanghai 2010 Expo you haven’t already seen on the Internet. So why go?

What you should answer: This Expo is hoping to show how people can live better lives in more efficient, environmentally friendly cities. You’ll wander through the museum-style theme pavilions that show you the history of world cities and imagine the future of them, not just the “flying cars and moving sidewalks” cliche, but the actual details and infrastructure needed to make it happen… without destroying the planet in the process.

Esoteric fact to show everyone you know what you're talking about: The Shanghai Museum was responsible for the concept and design of the Urban Footprints Pavilion.

2. How can I survive all that walking?

Why someone would ask: An average day at the Expo will include some walking, then strolling, then traipsing, a little meandering, followed by more walking. In addition to the five major theme pavilions that house interactive, multi-media museums, there are all of the national pavilions, where countries can show off their culture and latest technologies. If you want to see it all, be prepared to put in some legwork because they’ll confiscate your in-line skates, your skateboard and your Segway scooter at the gate. 

What you should answer: If your calves start cramping up with one look at the map, then start looking for one of the many massage places in Shanghai for a quick reflexology treatment (Hint: if all the "massage therapists" are in short skirts and don't look like they know an acupuncture point from a handshake, this is not the type of relief you're looking for). Our favorite legit massage-friendly street: Dagu Lu, near Shimen Yi Lu. For high-end rub downs we put our favorites together here. Or, do it the local way and keep an eye out for pebble paths in the city’s parks: these are designed to give your feet a gentle massage as you walk on them.

Esoteric fact to show everyone you know what you're talking about: The entire Expo site is a densely packed 5.28 square kilometers (just over two square miles) and the largest site to date. We didn't think the Chinese government would have it any other way. If it gets too much, rubbing the fleshy spot in front of your heel just under your outside ankle and can help relieve lower back and leg pain according to traditional Chinese medicine (TCM). Looking for a TCM gift to bring back home? Check out this TCM gift guide. 

3. Yet another person asks you what that blue “Gumby-looking” thing is

Why someone would ask: Haibao is everywhere, not just at the Expo site. He might look like a cross between Gumby and South Park’s Towelie, but he moves more like Spongebob and you can find his smiling blue face gracing millions of souvenirs that are not on the Official Haibao souvenir list. While he comes in many forms, he is not (legally) available as Batman, Spiderman, or covered in a Louis Vuitton-logo pattern, but seek and ye just might receive.

What you should answer: His name is Haibao (海宝) meaning, the “treasure of the sea” and the reason he has a similar shape to Gumby is because he is designed to look like the Chinese character for “people” (人).

Esoteric fact to show everyone you know what you're talking about: The official Expo site shows Haibao dressed in a variety of ethnic costumes such as a cowboy, Scottish Bagpiper and Indian chief. It also shows him in 'Haibao’s suit' (wearing no clothes at all). Although Haibao's gender is difficult to tell even in its Haibao suit, some bloggers think they have it figured out. Now you can too.

4. Someone asks you for advice on how they can get more intimate with the locals?

Why they would ask: You’ve come to Shanghai to see what China can offer the world and you get more than you bargained for. They’re expecting over 70 million people from around the globe to visit Shanghai for the Expo, and some of them are bound to be attractive. Situation: You see a hottie across the crowded pavilion, your eyes lock and your heart races… only then do you consider the language barrier. 

What you should answer: There will be about 170, 000 volunteers helping to oil the gears at the Expo and keep things running smoothly. Most of them are university students and almost all have had some training in English and other foreign languages. Once you’ve found your new attraction, simply track down a green-shirted aide and ask them to help you translate your sweet nothings (or bold intentions). It'll be good practice for them if nothing else. If however, your volunteer’s language skills are limited to “Hello, welcome, watch-bags-shoes?” then you might want to try out the official Shanghai Call Center, +86 21 962 288, which offer 24-hour help services from 1,100 volunteers in just about any language you need. Need something a little racier though? Guanxi’s Pick-up Line Service might do the trip. Simply text "PU" to +86 106 695 882 929 and they’ll get back to you with pick-up lines in Chinese (for RMB 1 per response).

Esoteric fact to show everyone you know what you're talking about: Despite the fact that it’s on almost every menu in town, you should probably wait until at least the third date before asking/offering to eat someone’s tofu (chi doufu, 吃豆腐).