2012 New Year's resolutions for Seoul

No more freaky plastic surgery ads on public transportation 

Beauty is in ... the hands of the Korean surgeon, scream subway ads.

Blepharoplasty, dorsal augmentation, zygoma reduction, neurectomy calf reduction.

These words seem like they belong in science journals (or CSI autopsy reports), but in fact they are plastered all over subway stations and bus stops in Seoul. 

In fact, it is impossible to ride any form of public transportation without seeing and hearing advertisements for flashy, high-end plastic surgery clinics, especially around the "Beauty Belt" near Gangnam (Sinsa-dong, Cheongdam-dong, Apgujeong-dong, Nonhyeon-dong, Yeoksam-dong). 

Sure, some of the ads are quite clever -- riveting even -- but that doesn’t make the message they’re sending any less creepy.

With the forthcoming change in law regarding stricter review of medical advertisements, there seems to be some hope in seeing less of these explicit displays of the ugly (or is it "pretty?") truth.

More on CNNGo: Latest hot Korean medical tour: Voice feminization surgery

Curb the coffee 

Despite the prevalence of the “₩880,000 generation” (a popular term referring to the average non-regular Korean worker making ₩880,000, approximately US$760, a month) it seems every street in Seoul has at least two or three franchise coffee shops charging more than ₩5,000 for a something-ccino.

Seriously, Seoulites, why are you paying more for coffee than for your lunch?

To add insult to outrage, it’s not even good coffee, as anyone who has sipped and grimaced over a Café Bene latte can attest.

Unfortunately, that is not a public trash can cleverly designed to look like a potted plant.

More trash cans in the streets

Seoul has been trying to put more trash cans in the streets for some years now, but what we’re seeing is just not enough. 

In 2010, 40 percent of 20,000 surveyed Seoulites answered that they felt there weren’t enough trash cans in the street, and the piles of garbage outside major subway stops and street corners speak for themselves. 

Please make us stop carrying empty water bottles in our pockets. 

Ban indoor smoking

The city has ambitious plans to expand non-smoking areas outdoors (up to 21 percent of Seoul by 2014). 

Great idea, but curbing indoor smoking sounds even better. 

For many of us, there's nothing more awful than inhaling puff after puff of someone else’s cigarette smoke while trying to relax in a bar, and in Seoul, we can probably count the number of non-smoking bars on two hands. 

The same goes for Korean barbecue restaurants, most of which also remain smoker-friendly. 

In 2012, Seoul should consider following the lead of New York, Hong Kong, Madrid and Bangkok in letting non-smokers enjoy their meat and drink smoke-free. 

Better slogans

Slogans are like corporate mission statements. Sure, they're slightly cheesy -- and a bit sickening, even -- but considered necessary in raising morale.

We understand that sometimes, to be catchy, you must sacrifice a certain level of intelligibility.

Case in point: Nike's "Just do it." Just do what? Punch you in the mouth? 

In the same way, Seoul does need a slogan -- just not the one we have now: "Hi Seoul, Soul of Asia." 

This oft-abused Seoul/Soul pun is not the one this country wants, needs, or deserves.

But we're not going to tear out your old carpet without presenting you with a new rug, though, Seoul. A suggested replacement, taken from the title of the latest surprisingly cinematic Korea Tourism Organization Video: Annyong, Seoul!

Annyong preserves in part the original intent of the slogan-writers, who seem to be envisioning an imaginary tourist greeting the city.

But annyong is doubly useful because you can use it to say hello or goodbye. It highlights Korean efficiency -- one word, two uses and simultaneously rolls off the tongue more musically than the bland "hi." It's a word more people should know, especially when they're coming to Seoul.

Or even the slightly anachronistic "Land of the Morning Calm." Sure, it's not totally accurate, in lieu of Seoul's frenetic pace, but it's beautiful, if a bit old-fashioned, and most of all, metaphorically true. Koreans may be in a bit of a hurry in the mornings, but they're still calm. They're very Zen as they squash into each other in the packed subway cars and buses and stolidly avoid each others' gazes.

And while we're at it, we might also give (dishonorable) mention to some other ridiculously bad promotional slogans. For example, Paju-si's inanely redundant "G&G Paju" -- the G&G stand for "good and great." Or Goyang-si's nonsensical "Go Yang." Who the hell is Yang?

Stop idolizing Myeong-dong

It may be difficult to believe, but Myeong-dong actually used to be a much classier place than it is now; people came for good food and decent shopping, not to fish for less-than-decent knockoffs and cheap face cream.

Currently, the entire area is overrun with the terrible advertising of low-end cosmetic stores looking to cater to Hallyu-loving Chinese and Japanese tourists.

Someone please get these advertisers some taste –- life-size cardboard cutouts of half-naked Grecian-robed male Korean idols are eyesores enough -– do we really need massive LED-lit versions of them hugging jars of snail cream?

Dear cosmetics companies, please stop making our favorite handsome faces look so absurd.