24-hour Oberoi Spa opens for the sleepless in South Mumbai

The new Oberoi: Lost in translation

The Oberoi Mumbai, the 'other' hotel in 2008's terrorist attacks, recently unveiled its US$40 million refit and in August the hotel's new 24-hour spa opened.

I visit the city's first all-night sanctuary at the end of a very long week. It is 9 p.m. on a Friday night. And all is deadly quiet. 

"You are 'Lost in Translation,'" says general manager Steven Kalczynski, "as most flights to Mumbai arrive in the middle of the night. You are overly tired, not quite ready for bed and need to somehow relax. This is what makes The Spa at The Oberoi, Mumbai such a stand-out, as we are able to accommodate our guests when they need us the most.”

Fair enough. The 24-hour spa is for hotel guests only, usually tired business travelers. Unless you’re willing to pay for the day or the weekend in which case you can be anybody, like me, trying to be 'different' on a Friday night. 

I did not check in for the weekend, though. Two and a half hours feels like 24 to me when all that's on the menu is oil, aromas and acupressure.

That said, I still get more than I expected. More incense sticks burning, more "Is everything ok?", more mini plastic water bottles lined in a row. There isn’t a soul in the steam and sauna rooms save a middle-aged woman in the universal spa uniform: white robe and white cloth slippers which come out of pigeon cubby holes colored a bland beige.

‘Mumbai Wave’: This treatment is hot

The two-hour ‘Mumbai Wave’ experience includes a Hot Lava Shell Therapy followed by a thermal healing water facial in one of the six therapy rooms.

The music begins with Indian classical -- an interesting departure from splashing waves and Japanese flutes -- but evolves into some strange didgeridoo distortions that aren't syncing with the rose quartz crystals apparently being used to massage my face. 

All in all, not really my scene. Too much prep and fuss and money for a therapist to glide over your main meridians with a single smooth lava shell, heated from the inside by a combination of minerals, sea kelp, algae and salt water, followed by some pretty plain hand massage strokes. I spend the hour learning about how different parts of my body react to piercing heat, and decide the underside of my feet like it least.

The facial then confirms what I always feared about them. Such a time consuming exercise for so little apparent and unapparent gain. Applying and reapplying, wiping on and off, punctuated by artful sprays of some kind of thermal healing water. It's like that caviar cream nonsense. I'd rather they just spray real gold onto my face. 

I find the ‘Mumbai Wave’ exercise too spoilt and self-indulgent. Which is not to say that the therapist isn’t qualified, the products not superior, the menu not exhaustive and every last detail not top notch in every way.

In fact, it's a nice gesture that The Oberoi Mumbai tunes itself to the body clock of the world with many other 24-hour services such as a personal butler service; a 24-hour fitness centre; business center; in-room dining and laundry services round the clock. So by all means, have a massage whenever you need it. 

It's just these "signature rituals" at spas in superior hotels in general that are beginning to make me flinch. Should they really be as bland and expensive as the Mumbai Wave was, for the sort of therapy we’re increasingly considering to be more of a necessity and less of a luxury when we travel, especially on business?

The Oberoi Day Spa Experience is priced at Rs 11,500 plus taxes based on single occupancy and The Weekend Spa Experience is priced at Rs 14,000 plus taxes based on single occupancy. Unless you’re a hotel guest in which case it’s a la carte.

The Oberoi, Nariman Point; tel. +91 (0) 22 6632 5757