It's finally time to love Mumbai local trains

Mumbai’s lifelines -- the local trains -- are often a trying form of local transportation. Passengers constantly complain about the crowds, the heat, the madness.

I set out to verify the facts and learned that most people couldn’t be more mistaken.

I concluded that what people consider hurdles to a good journey are really deliberate interventions by a government that has painstakingly designed Mumbai’s railways to maximize the efficiency and overall standard of living of its residents.

In short, train travel constitutes a lifestyle upgrade.

Here’s how:

1. Train travel improves social cohesion

Ever seen the crowds at a railway station in Mumbai? Their enormity?

Well, when large numbers of people perform similar actions or face similar problems together, on a regular basis, it builds an unconscious psychological bond between members of that group, thereby bringing the group closer together, making it stronger. Even if the group members are strangers.

Think of a mass rally. Or Aldous Huxley’s "Brave New World".

In this case, the group members in question are the daily commuters, traveling together every day.

Queuing up for tickets or passes, waiting for trains, jumping into trains, traveling with each other, talking, fighting, parting ways. Every day.

It builds camaraderie. Which is good for the city. So what if you occasionally get trampled on or fall off a train? What’s a few sacrifices for the good of the group? Look how well the ants manage.

What most people consider bad crowd management by railway management is undoubtedly an essential step in superior nation-building.

2. Train travel improves reflexes

Nothing beats beating the crowds to get that seat in a train.

Lining up along a station platform every morning, keenly watching your train pull in, calculating its speed, timing your jump, leaping and swinging yourself in, after grabbing hold of a pole or door handle or someone else's arm, using split-second improvisation to ensure the inertia from your jump allows for a perfect swing, not too far and not too short, just the perfect angle, enabling you to stop in time, then furtively looking around for a seat, and diving into the best one before anyone else does, and feeling good about yourself.

Forget professional athletes, even a deer being chased by a tiger doesn’t get to hone its senses to this extent.

What most Mumbaikars consider poor transport design is undoubtedly all part of the government’s larger plan to keep city residents in the pink of health.

It’s sad that Mumbai’s ungrateful commuters aren’t flooding the offices of the Western and Central Railways with thank-you notes and checks.

Watch the video: Indian teenagers attempt deathly train stunts

3. Train travel improves negotiation and bargaining skills

Travel by train often enough and you can cut down on your shopping trips.

You get loads of stuff here: pens, notebooks, wallets, hair clips, combs and brushes.

And I’m not just talking about the stalls outside the stations. I’m referring to the walk-through hawkers who sell their wares in the train compartments.

Prime opportunity to put into practice whatever you learned at that negotiation skills workshop the company made you attend last year.