The Hong Kong hangover breakfast challenge

It's the morning after a big night out, and we feel like a victim of Hannibal Lecter. Our skulls feel crushed and our brains feel like they've been stirred into a thick soup ready for the doctor to slurp up. The only thing that will make us feel better is first throwing up everything from the night before, then filling our empty, queasy bellies with a big stodgy breakfast to anchor us down for the rest of the day. 

We already know that the Mandarin Oriental's Grill + Bar serves the best full English breakfast in Hong Kong (see mouthwatering photographs of it here, if you dare) but when we're very much worse for wear and our mouth smells and feels like a rat hole, we don't want to take our first and perhaps only meal of the day in a posh hotel. Far better to go on a hunt for the perfect hangover breakfast, a heaping plate of all things crispy, chewy and briny, that can be enjoyed in comfortable, sympathetic surroundings, like the following places:

Old China Hand

It's not even noon and the guys at the Old China Hand are already drunk. They sit near the bar's open front, chatting boozily with the bargirls in short skirts and tight tops, who glance distractedly at passersby on Lockhart Road. It's an odd scene in the morning glare but we're hungry and we've heard the Old China Hand does a mean English breakfast, so we press on, into the bar's dark belly, through the sloppy remnants of last night's partying and into a booth near the back of the bar. Lady Gaga's "Poker Face" blasts deafeningly through the sound system.

The bartender gives us an odd look when we order the "World Famous Large All Day English Breakfast" (HK$89) which comes with two sausages, three eggs, bacon, mushrooms, black pudding, baked beans, fries and a grilled tomato. Two Lady Gaga and one Pitbull songs later, the breakfast is delivered by a large grandmotherly woman. She smiles faintly, deposits the dishes and returns to the kitchen without a word. 

"Large breakfast," in this case, is an understatement. This isn't breakfast meant for a normal human being, unless you consider an Australian rugby player to be human. It's hard to feel ripped off with this much stuff on the plate. Unfortunately, quantity doesn't necessarily mean quality. The sausages are a bit dry, the fries are too skinny and sad-looking, the toast is stale, the eggs are overcooked and the black pudding doesn't really taste like anything. The up side is that the bacon is fresh, tender and delicious and everything is satisfyingly greasy, without being too oily. A pint of Guinness ($58) is pretty much essential to wash it all down.

Open 24 hours on Friday and Saturday; 10-3am all other days. G/F,104 Lockhart Road, Wan Chai, tel +852 2865 4378, www.oldchinahand.com.hk

Yorkshire Pudding

Having slept through the morning we arrived after noon, and so thought we had missed breakfast. But thankfully they serve breakfast till 5pm, and so we tucked in. The British Fry-up breakfast (HK$98) had all the quintessential items of a traditional English fried breakfast: baked beans, mushrooms, hash brown, sausage, garnished tomatoes and eggs of course. We opted for the scrambled version (the thought of runny eggs was a little nauseating from the beer buzz we still had going on). The portion is on the lean side, barely filling the plate with only one of each item. Not exactly an awe-inspiring sight after a night of alcoholic excess.

What made up for it though was that the fry-up was distinctly un-oily, which did help us keep the breakfast down despite the old wives' tale about grease being the great hangover cure. The whole meal was quite tasty as well (in that we managed to taste something, given the lingering aftertaste of alcohol), and the hash brown was spectacularly crunchy. We wolfed it all down in double-quick time, washed down by strong black coffee. So while the portion size was a somewhat disappointing start to the morning after, the variety of non-oily foodstuffs did help to alleviate the hangover haze.

Open daily 10am-midnight. 6 Staunton Street, Soho, Central, tel +852 2536 9968.

Coast

We staggered into Coast Bar & Bistro, the new Australian eatery on the escalator track in Soho, at about 11-ish on a Sunday morning and, surprisingly, we were the first on the scene. One item immediately popped from the breakfast menu: the Hangover (HK$105). In hindsight it's a terrible misnomer -- shouldn't they be taking it away, not giving us one? But it is one epic dish. Steak, bacon, beef sausages, hash browns, tomato slices heaped next to a mountain of thick toast with your choice of eggs. It was so massive, the plate could barely contain all that meat. 

Slightly daunted, we set to it with a will to finish, but it was quite a struggle. They obviously held to the grease-cures-all belief, since everything was oily. The 'steaklet' was the centerpiece -- lightly grilled and still pink on the inside -- but the beef sausages were badly overdone and tough. We opted for eggs done sunny-side up, which we soaked up well with the bread slices. In the end, we managed to clean the plate, but the sheer amount didn't really sit well in the stomach. Recommended only if you've an appetite to match that monster hangover, otherwise go for the smaller Coast Breakfast (HK$95).

Open daily 8-3am. 1st Floor, Kinwick Centre, 32 Hollywood Road, SoHo, Central, tel +852 2544 5888, www.coast.com.hk

Life Cafe

If your body is imploring for something just a little bit healthy after the previous night’s ravaging, head for Life Cafe. This vegetarian, organic (whenever possible) eaterie has a globally inspired menu of omelets, pastries, cereals, fruit salads, pancakes, and more. None of your oil-doused, heart-clogging fry ups here. The Life Breakfast (HK$85) is a well-measured plate of veggie sausages -- which were strangely aromatic -- eggs, toast, fried potato slices and a sprinkling of salad. This is the nutritious injection our stomachs have been craving ever since last night’s dinner of a dozen beers and a couple bowls of nuts.

Best of all is a full page dedicated to juices, smoothies and shakes that will flush even the most poisonous of alcoholic contaminants from our bodies. The Reanimator mixed juice (apple, lemon, ginger, HK$32) is a refreshing and sweet accompaniment to the Detox Tea (HK$30), a toxin-purging medley of 19 roots, herbs, seeds and berries. True party champions don’t fret, there’s a good selection of organic wines and beers too. It’s a cozy place, with a convivial atmosphere, but if your 10 megaton headache calls for a breakfast in solitude this probably ain’t for you. It can get pretty popular and we found ourselves sharing our table with someone who apparently did not appreciate our beer breath.

Open daily 11:30am-9:30pm. 10, Shelley Street, Soho, Central, tel +852 2810 9777, www.lifecafe.com.hk

Jo Jo Mess Club

Head to Jo Jo Mess for all your curry-for-breakfast needs. Sounds strange, but sometimes a greasy, spicy, carb-and-oil-laden feast can be just the thing to knock your mojo back into gear after a night on the bathroom floor. To be honest the flavors here can be a little disappointing and the textures a bit unimaginative, but considering your taste buds will probably be comatose anyway, that won’t detract too much from why you’re really here: to stuff yourself silly before going back to bed.

Start with a yogurty lassi (HK$32) to settle the stomach, before diving into some aloo parantha (HK$18) with raita (HK$30) and pickle, which will get your saliva glands pumping in preparation for the fish tikka (HK$88) and mushroom peas pulao (HK$48). Alternatively the chicken korma (HK$72), while bland, will help quell any meat cravings. Wash it all down with a sweet lime soda, and you won’t need to eat again all day. This is a restaurant, not a greasy café, so don’t expect to find too many fellow sufferers. But it’s casual with a friendly staff who will look upon your tormented soul with a refreshing sympathy.

Open daily 11am-3pm, 6pm-11pm. 2nd Floor, David House, 37-39 Lockhart Road, Wan Chai, tel +852 2527 3776, www.jojofood.com

Delaney's

Ironically, or perhaps understandably, the best hangover cure in Hong Kong is in the heart of one of the city’s booziest districts: Wan Chai. Seated on a stool at a high-top table in Delaney’s Irish Pub, you can easily pass the time sipping on a Guinness and watching people stroll past the restaurant’s open doors on Luard Street. Delaney’s only has one breakfast item on the menu, but it definitely delivers.

“The Ultimate Fry Up” ($98) is a traditional British breakfast served on a large plate and filled to the rim with hearty portions of bacon, sausages, fried liver, black pudding, mushrooms, baked beans, fried potatoes, grilled tomatoes, toast, and two eggs sunny side up. The meal is adequately greasy to ease one’s tender, post-alcohol-binge tummy. Everything is prepared to perfection and the eggs are extra runny. Wash it down with some fresh-squeezed orange juice ($38).
 
The restaurant's atmosphere is laid back and the servers are friendly, without being overbearing. And if you can stomach the cheesy 1990s love ballads piping throughout the pub speakers, then this breakfast is sure to please.

Open daily noon-3am. G/F & 1/F, One Capital Place, 18 Luard Road, Wanchai, tel +852 2804 2880, www.delaneys.com.hk

Rocksalt

This newly opened Stanley eatery really hits every hangover nail on the head. It's located near the beach and its open design allows the fresh air of Stanley to revive those alcohol-pickled brain cells. Plus, it's named after what a hangover victim really craves -- salt. The big breakfast served here sells quality over quantity. Everything is done just right, but big fellas will be left wanting seconds. The rest of the menu is a novella of seafood concoctions, from the raw oyster bar to crab cakes with water cress tomato salad (HK$78) and the mussels with spicy tomato (HK$148). For a final pick-me-up, try the Turkish toast with fresh ricotta, strawberries, cinnamon and honey (HK$98) with shot of strong coffee followed by a stroll on the beach. Hangover? What hangover?

Open daily noon-10:30pm. 25 Stanley Market Road, Stanley, tel +852 2899-0818, www.chiram.com.hk