Air travel etiquette: 14 ways to avoid being a jerk

The Angel of Airline Etiquette -- Angela Rosenquist

I love to fly. I say these things because I have lived them and they make me laugh. Thank you to everyone I have flown with, stood in line with, been seated next to, and who has been my flight attendant or pilot. I have learned what to do, what not to do, how to be a good listener, and that you take your jobs as seriously as I take mine, or else we wouldn’t be conducting business at 36,000 feet every week.

We laugh, cry, and tell stories, sleep, serve, and share. We never go hungry, and we never truly travel alone. To everyone who has crossed my path and me theirs -- may your steps be many, your heart be light, your life in abundance, and your success in flight. Cheers and a big high five to the friendly skies.

Oh, and here are...

1. First there's the "don't hog the whole arm rest we both paid for rule." Though, there have known to be exceptions. Boomer Grigsby, sorry I fell asleep on your shoulder one flight. Boomer was a very large muscular man and hogged the whole arm rest, but he was pretty foxy. Free pass.

2. Please don't use my seat to pull yourself up out of yours, shaking it violently as you struggle to gain balance. Use your armrests, turn your body a little, and you too can make it happen without causing a minor jolt at 30,000 feet and jerking my chair.

3. Pee before boarding. Seriously. Do it. That way you won't have to make a beeline to the plane's toilet as soon as you board, or jump out of your seat as soon as that flashing seat belt light turns off.

4. Don't stop at the top of the escalator leading to a security line. If you do, then expect some quite unfriendly shoves from those coming up behind you. 'Those' meaning me. My elbows are sharp, I'll use them. Maybe my knees if you're on the phone. Think of me as the Angel of Airline Etiquette, always watching.

5. Do not, I repeat do not, talk on your cell phone in the security line. Nobody is that important, and more importantly you're holding everybody else up, people that would actually like to get through the security checks before take-off.

6. When flying domestically, in or out of the United States, please just take your shoes off when going through security without asking people around you, "Do I need to take off my shoes?" Yes, you do. You need to. You really don't need to ask.

7. Don't wear shoe laces. They take forever to untie and re-tie while going through security. Slip on shoes are your God-given right to wear. Wear them.

8. Expert traveler lines are for expert travelers. If you have to question this or don't know what I'm talking about, then you do not qualify as an expert traveler.

9. Step back from the baggage claim carousel. You're only getting in the way. Only step up when you see your bag, otherwise you're just one big blockage, hunting blind and preventing others from seeing their targets.

10. If you can't lift your bag over your head and put it on top of your refrigerator, don't bring it onto the plane. A fridge is nearly the same pitch and height as the overhead storage.

11. Don't put your baggage over another person's seat if you can help it. If you put your baggage overhead of seat 5A and your seat is actually at 25D, somebody (me, your Angel of Airline Etiquette for example) might notify a flight attendant who will bring your bag back to your seat.

12. Hold carry-on bags in front of you or behind you while you walk through the aisle and board the plane so they don't strike seated passengers. United Boeing 757 seat 8C -- I feel for you... everyone else, I am talking to you.

13. Be courteous to others when reclining in your seat. If you are sitting in small seats, just tap your neighbors leg if they're sitting behind you and you want to recline. Otherwise you might hear a loud "crunch!" Which, would be a bad thing because it was probably your neighbor's laptop, and they're not likely to be happy about you breaking it.

14. A bit of advice to flight attendants: If you as a flight attendant brief everyone in the emergency exit row and someone doesn't say "yes," to confirm they comprehend the instructions, then please, please move them.

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."

Watch your laptop and valuables like a hawk at all times, and don’t get behind people in the security line who are already fumbling through things before security.

Learn from those who do it properly: Fly Singapore Airlines to Asia, then go back and fly your own airline.