10 easy ways to look like a tourist in Bangkok

So you wanna go to Bangkok, but you're worried about not fitting in with the other tourists?

Those fears are understandable. The choices are overwhelming: what not to wear, how to dress without looking like a chump, where to party until the sun comes up.

Luckily we're here to help, so if you don't want to stick out like a sunburned thumb during your visit to the City of Angels, these handy hints should keep even the most wayward of vagabonds on the tenfold path to blending-ins-ville.  

1. Live the Khao San life  

Khao San Road is the first port of call for many travelers to Thailand -– particularly the under-25 set.

The sensory overload you experience is akin to being smashed over the head with a golf club.

Take a deep breath and, if you don't start coughing, savor the sight of pirated CDs, fisherman's pants, sweet 'n' sour chicken and buckets of low-grade booze mixed with red bull. 

2. Get your hair braided  

Much like in Mexico and the Caribbean, It's an unwritten rule that foreign women visiting Bangkok have to have their hair braided at some point.

Nobody is quite sure why this tradition became embedded in the backpacker psyche, but if you are a woman and you have hair, you'll want to have it braided almost as soon as you set foot outside your hotel room.

Pick up a Chang beer from 7-Eleven, take a seat and let the good Thai women of Khao San work their magic. 

Men who feel like they’re missing out can opt for dreadlock extensions. 

3. Wear beer apparel  

This one isn't exclusive to Bangkok, as similar phenomena occur all over Southeast Asia.

The gist of this shebang is that you need to show how in touch with the locals you are by wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the logo of your favorite Thai beer.

Popular choices are Chang and Singha.

If there's a special occasion, such as Halloween, you can simply cut the sleeves off your T-shirt and take a razorblade to it for the desired spooky effect. 

4. Get hustled at pool and ‘Connect 4’  

Bangkok is a city for players, and nowhere does this become more apparent than in the darkest depths of the nightlife districts, where doey-eyed temptresses will try and cajole you into sinking a few balls or else aiming for "four in a row" in games that inevitably end up with beer as a wager.

Careful though, as it's not unheard of for middle-aged men to arrive in Bangkok with a head full of ideas and leave with nothing more than their decrepit sandals. 

5. Start fights with the locals  

You know the drill: you've had a few drinks, you're all sweaty from throwing shapes on the dance floor and you suddenly find yourself being shouted at by an angry Thai chap.

The trouble is, you can't remember what series of unfortunate events led to this predicament.

The only thing you can do in these situations is shout back in an attempt to further enflame the situation in the hope that your adversary explodes or else backs down.

If you've previously bought pepper spray or a tazer from a dodgy Bangkok side street, now is the perfect time to try it out. (Note: we're joking.)