Tales from the velvet rope: Bangkok's bouncers reveal all

Exposed breasts, aliens from outer space and athletic spidery people are some of the challenges faced by black-clad bouncers on Soi 11's Bed Supperclub and Q Bar when night turns Bangkok into a dark and exciting place.

The bouncers, however, insist they are able to remain cool, even while grappling with unusual characters at the entrance door and inside at the bar.

Both clubs request their customers not dress like slobs. But some visitors consider their own clothing ephemeral, and suddenly strip down for all sorts of reasons that don't make any sense when they wake up, possibly embarrassed, in the morning.

"We don't allow our guests to wear flip-flop sandals, but two guys came and tried to get in by swapping one flip-flop with the other guy, who had shoes. So each guy wore one shoe, and one flip-flop, and thought they could fool us," a Bed bouncer said while he and his colleagues guarded the ramp which leads to their distinctive oval building.

"We also don't allow short pants, so another guy pulled his shorts way down to below his knees, like it was supposed to make his shorts look like long-legged pants. But he had no underwear on, and he showed his thing!" the bouncer said, chuckling.

Drunken flashing, drunken thrashing

"One time, inside the club, a lady showed her boobs," another bouncer chimed in, gesturing by lifting his black T-shirt. "She was just drunk. And some guy later showed his bottom inside the club, when someone was taking his photo."

When Bed Supperclub laced its interior with spooky webbing for decorations on Halloween, "a guy who was very drunk jumped into the spider web," and thrashed about like a confused Marvel comic book character, until the bouncers had to haul him away.

At both clubs, most of the naughtiest mischief is caused by foreigners, bouncers say, because Thai customers seem to be able to control themselves and behave more decently even when they've had too much liquor.

Close encounters of the third -- and naughty -- kind

“There was a lady, who hosted a TV show, who got wasted and locked herself in the toilet, so we had to rescue her," said a bouncer at nearby Q Bar. "The bouncers had to pull her out over the top of the bathroom stall. Her fake boobs came out first. Later, we cut out the bottom of all the toilet doors, so no one gets trapped again.

"I once caught two guys together in the bathroom, and they immediately said to me, 'We're not gay! We're not gay!' but one of guys was exposing himself and clearly aroused.  Another time, a girl was giving a guy oral sex in the men's room, and she said to me, 'I didn't know that I was inside the men's bathroom.'  So I asked her, 'Like it makes a difference?'"

Q Bar's bouncers said one of their favorite customers is an American "who can see ghosts."  As if on cue, the bouncers then discreetly indicated a short man who was loitering and pacing nearby during our interview.

The American later came up to me and, without speaking, flicked his butane lighter on, held it up to my face, glared at me for a few seconds, and then cautiously walked away while staring back at me.

"He says he can see ghosts," one bouncer said. "And he also says he can see aliens, from UFOs, and they guide him to do the right thing. He's a regular customer and never a problem. He will touch your hand and say, 'All your pains are gone,' because of his psychic powers. He's been here for several months."

Fights among customers are not much of a problem at either place, the bouncers said, because Bangkok's festive vibe is more upbeat, compared with the grittier urban streets in some foreign countries' cities.

"In Thailand, you can see our bouncers are small-sized, not huge like in Europe and the [United] States, because our priority is not to fight," a Q Bar bouncer said.

"Violence is very rare at our club.  It is not like in the States where customers will pull out a gun, or a knife, or beat somebody over the head."